A good life
In ‘101 Essays that will change the way you think’, Brianna Wiest writes a particularly intriguing line. In the essay, she discusses how to measure a good life after claiming, “we were not built to be more than we are.” This powerful quote has become the inspiration for this week’s blog.
As a society, there are numerous life trajectories, expectations, and cultures that tell us what to do to be good. But whichever measure of a good life you follow, there will always be more to accomplish before you can “earn” the title. The glorification of how your life looks has overshadowed the reality of how your life should feel. Especially in the age of social media, comparisons to each other and ego boosts from external opinions have set an unattainable standard of perfection.
When the concept of a good life relies solely on achieving more good, whatever that may be, we end up in a downward spiral of chasing more. More good doesn’t sound like a bad idea does it? More peace, more harmony, more financial freedom, more friendships, more comfort, more of all the good we can attain. However, Wiest reminds us that reaching for more is an avoidant mechanism to the messy and complex nature inherent in our lives. Chasing more good is really just avoiding the mess that is bound to exist. What happens here is that we chase more good expecting it to relieve us of the mess, but mess in life occurs at all stages. When the mess does arise, we tend to freak out. Because we did everything in our power to not have to experience it, didn’t we?
It is a futile attempt to take the mess out of life. It is also futile to reach for a flawless, picturesque life. To be open to the beauty and mess of life is to be authentically yourself. When we acknowledge that life gets messy, our belief systems stop focusing on perfection, but rather focus on gratitude for what exists. The chase for more can often entail heavily critical self-improvement mindsets, anxious over-preparedness of life events and even overly critical judgements about other people. Take a moment to pause and reflect, do you do any of the above? With honest reflection, consider why you strive for more good? Is it to feel better, or to make your life look better?
As Wiest explains insightfully in her essay, we should measure a good life by what we are, not what we have or do. The authentic living of life, the love we gain and share, the small wins we achieve and the losses we learn from are the measures of a good life we should be focusing on.
With warmth,
Ruchi.