Self-compassion
There seems to come a time (whether we have reached it yet or not) in life where we begin to become aware of self-compassion. Self-compassion is not a concept I often have the opportunity to bring into therapy early. It is a place that we will often slowly move towards and reach when the person is ready.
Compassion is understood as the ability to feel deeply for another person as they experience the ups and downs of life. To be compassionate is to not just tell someone that you care, but to show them you care by being there for them unconditionally. For many of us, cultivating this sense of compassion for others is something that comes very naturally.
Self-compassion, on the other hand, is the ability to turn understanding, acceptance, and love inward. We often find it far more difficult to practice self-compassion and it is this lack of self-compassion that can lead to a number of different mental health challenges including burnout and depression. The reason that many of us find it difficult to practice self-compassion is because many of us may have never learnt how to show compassion towards ourselves or we have been shamed for doing this in the past.
A good question to ask yourself is “If you spoke to your friends the way you speak to yourself, would you have any?”
If your answer ranges anywhere from “I’m unsure” to “hell no” then there is an opportunity for growth and change. There are a few factors that underpin self-compassion. These are mindfulness, common humanity and kindness.
Mindfulness
When you approach yourself from a compassionate and mindful way you’re able to observe your own suffering, bring attention to your thoughts, feelings and behaviours all in a non-judgmental and curious way.
Common Humanity
This concept has been very prominent at the moment. This is the recognition that all of humanity has something in common, all people are struggling in some way and that we all wish to find peace. It is the recognition that none of us are alone in our suffering or wishes to be well.
Kindness
This refers to your inner voice (or inner critic!). When you approach yourself with self-compassion this will look like treating yourself the same way you treat a friend or someone you respect and appreciate. You will treat yourself with kindness, encouragement and forgiveness.
As you begin to explore this journey into self-compassion I'll leave you with this quote from the Dalai Lama “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”
Always,