Being over-prepared can actually leave you unprepared
There’s a side to being a perfectionist that many don’t talk about or don’t even recognise the connection, and that’s anxiety.
For anyone that is an anxious perfectionist themself, you’ll understand what I mean. The cost of needing everything to turn out perfectly is the anxiety that comes with it. People who experience anxiety tend to adopt maladaptive practices like over-preparation to combat the unknown and uncertain. But, as you may already know, this does little to nothing to ease worries.
For the perfectionists reading this blog right now, an unexpected rain during a planned outdoor activity, a spilled coffee on the way to work, a slight change to the scheduled day ahead or even critical feedback on your work can sound devastating. You do everything to perfection so why does it not work out?
I can give you some insight into the why. We live in a world where unexpected things happen every day. No matter how well in advance you prepare, no matter how many alternatives you think of, no matter how much time you spend on perfecting something, there are some things that just are not in your control.
It is so important to recognise this for so many different reasons. First, when you relinquish control that you never had in the first place, you begin to realise that you yourself aren’t responsible for it all. This lifts a great deal of weight off your shoulders and also helps you be less judgemental of yourself when things don’t go to plan.
Secondly, you develop a greater capacity for acceptance. When something goes wrong, as humans we tend to immediately jump into solving mode, thinking about the next step to fix what has changed. What’s tricky here is that anxious perfectionism can turn your brain foggy and confused, rather than finding a solution, you might experience a cloud of negative emotions, often involving blaming yourself. However, the magic of practicing acceptance is that we learn to hold more compassion for ourselves. Isn’t this so significant in moments where we have no control?
The reason over-preparation leaves you unprepared is because there are some things that you simply cannot control. So what can you do instead? Practice relinquishment of control, acceptance, and use mindful check-ins with yourself.
To be prepared, is to be understanding of the unpredictable ways the world works. There’s a lot that isn’t in our control. This can be daunting to come to terms with, but there is great freedom in acknowledging it. We understand acceptance can be easier said than done so, take it one step at a time.
Warmly,
Ruchi.
