Navigating uncertainty during the holiday season

The holiday season often brings a blend of emotions. The overarching theme of this time of year is one of togetherness, connection, and joy. However, for many of us, the holiday season can amplify feelings of grief and loss. Whether due to the absence of loved ones or strained family dynamics, the lead up to Christmas and New Years can be particularly challenging with lots of uncertainty. Understanding and sitting with these emotions helps foster resilience and healing during the festive period.

The complexity of grief during the holidays

Loss and grief are complex concepts. As with healing, grief is not linear and, during this time of year, we are often faced with many reminders of what we no longer have. The empty chair at the dinner table or the missing voice in the annual catch up can serve as painful reminders.

Grief is not limited to the death of loved ones; it can also stem from estranged family relationships or unmet expectations. During a season centred on togetherness, these absences can feel particularly isolating.

The complexity of grief is that it doesn’t seem to mind arriving or triggering during what is widely felt as a happy time. The contradictory emotions can set us off and the anxiety of uncertainty can weigh heavy on our hearts.

The anxiety of togetherness

For individuals with complex family relationships, the holidays can bring added stress. The societal pressure to appear cheerful and unified can make difficult interactions even more draining.

The anticipation of facing those with whom we have strained relationships can also bring many feelings of uncertainty. With this comes hours and hours of overthinking and made up scenarios of how gatherings might unfold.

Tips for navigating the holiday season

Whatever the reason, anxiety around how the holiday season will play out is understandable. Before looking through any of these tips, acknowledge your needs first. Listen to your anxiety and unravel what it is trying to tell you. As you may know, anxiety spirals and we don’t need to believe everything it tells us. But, what can be helpful is listening to the root of its concerns and addressing them. Not only does this honour yourself, it helps you understand what you are feeling and which approach to coping will suit you better.

1. Plan ahead

Life is unpredictable and how we plan it is not always how it goes. However, there are some things that we are able to control. If visiting family, plan your visit according to what you are comfortable with. For example, you might decide what time you will arrive at or leave from the gathering to ensure you have time to decompress alone.

If hosting gatherings yourself, you might want to ditch some traditions that no longer resonate with you.

2. Set boundaries

You’ve heard this enough, but what does it really mean during the holiday season? Well, perhaps you’ve been invited somewhere that is already weighing heavy on you just by thinking about it. Declining the invitation and instead spending your time and energy on something else can be incredibly liberating. Similarly, opting out of discussions and interactions that feel difficult can also be a huge step towards healthy boundaries.

3. Practice self-compassion

Oftentimes, thinking of ourselves can bring about feelings of guilt and shame. During a time where togetherness is celebrated, setting boundaries and prioritising our wellbeing over tense family gatherings can heighten stress. Practice self-compassion to shift your focus. You are not making anybody’s holiday period worse by working on your mental health for the better. Appreciate yourself and your feelings. Anxiety, much of the time, stems from a self-protective mechanism. Be compassionate towards yourself and your mind’s desire to protect your peace.

Moving through the holidays

Grief, loss and anxiety are not tidy processes. During this holiday season, give yourself permission to feel whatever arises. If you are not filled with the “holiday spirit”, don’t put yourself down. Your feelings are always valid and how you choose to protect yourself from tense situations is not an inconvenience.

Remember, don’t say “yes” to someone else if it means you have to say “no” to yourself.

Navigating grief or anxiety will never be perfect. Above all, take it day by day and don’t leave yourself behind.

With warmth,

Ruchi